It’s been quite some time since I’ve posted a new blog posting…so I hope you enjoy my new writings! I want to specifically thank Dani Shapiro, author of Devotion for sharing her story ❤
I’m constantly looking for answers. In books. In yoga classes. In mediation. Everywhere I go. I meet people, new and old, and I’m constantly asking questions. I thrive on learning new opinions, spiritualities, lessons and facts. Relentlessly, I am always searching for more.
Aren’t we all looking for the answers? How am I going to leave the job that I’ve worked out for most of my life and start a new job, in a new company, in a new position? Raise our first child (or puppy!)? Take care of our aging parents? Start teaching yoga classes after just finishing a 6 months yoga teacher training course? How do we become happy with where we are today?
These are questions that run through my head and I’m 99% sure that a form of these questions have ran through your head recently, if not today.
Where do we find the answers? In the latest self help book on finding happiness in three easy steps? Well, that may work for today. Most, if not all, of the self help books I read have helped me in some form or another, although I still find myself searching for more answers, more knowledge. Maybe you and I will be searching for the rest of our lives for the answers that we need to live a happy, healthy, joyful, stress-free life and maybe that is ok…“this is what you know now” …
I just finished reading Dani Shapiro’s book, “Devotion”. At the end of her book, she is speaking with Sylvia Boorstein, (a mediation teacher she met along her journey) about an upcoming t.v. appearance that she was nervous about. Sylvia Boorstein simply reminds her, “this is what you know now”. Dani Shapiro reflects on this and continues, “I can only know what I know now. That’s all any of us can know. Hopefully, we’ll know more an hour from now. And tonight. And tomorrow. And next year.”
As did Dani Shapiro, I reflected on this statement, “this is what you know now”. I’ve been struggling with where to put my time and effort in with respect to my life. I work full time in the corporate world, just received my certification to teach yoga and belong to an amazing support group dealing with the loss of my father. I also have my home life too that I want to continue to place a good portion of my time in.
Ultimately, I want to help others. I want to share yoga/meditation and what I’ve learned from grief. I want to continue to write. But I’m far from an expert in these things. There are times during a yoga class that I wonder if I will ever be able to teach a class as well as she/he is because of all the knowledge the teacher has…quoting Buddha word for word off the top of their head. Speaking Sanskrit words that I have never heard of and bending fully into a forward fold while I’m still struggling to touch my toes.
Questions start running through my head and I wonder if I will ever be good enough to teach a class and be able to share what I know and what I’ve learned through my yoga journey and grief. Will anyone give me a chance? I’m learning and all I can do is continue to listen and be ok with what I know right now which is a lot more than I knew two and half years ago stepping on my yoga mat for the first time.
So for now, this is my answer to myself, “This is what I know now”. I can’t speak in Sanskrit yet, I can’t touch my head to my knees yetand I certainly have no clue how to raise a baby yet. But, I will learn and in meantime, I will continue writing to help heal and practice yoga/mediate the best that I can right now.
I hope you, too, can find solace in these words, to understand that we do not need to have all the answers and all the knowledge right now. I hope these words come up the next time you are searching for answers or starting something in new life. All you can know, is what you know right now, in this moment.